Ananova:

Ananova: Scientists investigating the psychology of laughter say a joke about Sherlock Holmes is the best Britain can offer. But can you do better? Tell us your favourite short joke.

Orson Cart: Bloke goes to the doctors with a steering wheel down his trousers. Doctor says "what seems to be the trouble?", bloke replies "I dunno, but it's driving me nuts."

Joe Chidzik: Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are strolling along Baker avenue after a hard days sleuthing, when Watson exclaims "By Jove Holmes, the front door of the house has been painted bright yellow!". "Its Lemonentry, my dear Watson, Lemonentry" replies Holmes.

Shakespeare walks into a pub. "Get out!" says the barman, "You're Bard".

Andy Morris: Prince Edward to Prince Charles: "How's your bottom, old chap?". Charles: "Shut up." Edward: "Really? Must be all this cold weather we're having."

Dave Hollingworth: Two parrots sat on a perch, one turns to the other and asks, "Can you smell fish?"

Tee Hee: What do you do if you see a space man? Park in it, man!

Helen: Horse walks into a pub and the barman says "why the long face?"

Mogadon: A man enters a competition in a local newspaper looking for a witty word-play to complete a picture caption. He tries to boost his chances of winning by entering the competition ten times. Unfortunately no pun in ten did.

Nemain: If you have one green ball in one hand and one green ball in the other what do you have? Complete control of the Jolly Green Giant!

Jason Clark: A man walked into a bar. "Ouch", he said. It was an iron bar.

Michael Dildine: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care!

Wolfgang Overdraft: Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic? He stayed up all night, wondering whether or not there was a dog.

James: What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonkey.

Where does a wonkey live? In an unstable.

Owen Cutajar: Three blondes were walking in the woods one day when they saw a set of tracks. They set about arguing over exactly what kind of tracks they were.

The first blonde said: II think they're deer tracks."

The second blonde said: "I think they're dog tracks."

The third blonde said: "I think they're cow tracks."

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Chris Robertson: Prince Charles is opening a new hospital in Cramlington. He is dressed in a sober suit with a ridiculous hat with a real fox mounted on top of it.

After the plaque is unveiled, one nurse can contain her curiosity no longer, and asks him: "Why are you wearing that silly hat with a stuffed animal on top, your highness?"

"Well," explains the prince, "this morning, at Highgrove I told my butler I was coming to Cramlington to open a hospital, and he said to me 'Cramlington, eh? Wear the fox hat?'"

Terry Mahdee: What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Mad Man McMad: What is red and yellow and looks good on hippies? Fire.

Henrietta: What's the difference between kinkiness and peversion?

Kinkiness is tickling someone with a feather during foreplay. Peversion is using the whole chicken.

Mike King: A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman: "Could I have a pint of . . . . . . . . lager please?" The barman says: "Why the big pause?"

A white horse walks into a bar and the barman says in amazement: "We've got a whiskey named after you!" The white horse replies: "What? Eric?"

Joe Lee: What did the leper say to the hooker? You can keep the tip.

Josie: Two goldfish in a tank. One turns to the other and says: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Andy Rowlands: An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, elephant and aardvark walk into a pub and the barman says: "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Davros: How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.

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